omnipotent chirp

WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE????

2008-12-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

HUGE NEWS!!!

Omnipotentchirp Cast got MUCH too big for the likes of BLOGGER.LAME so we have moved on! Please check out our whole new revamped site at: (you guessed it)

WWW.OMNIPOTENTCHIRP.COM

Please change your bookmarks accordingly. We'll have pics, vids, links, and all that good internet content that's going to keep you coming back for more!!

Thanks again!

Tim

episode 9? first video cast episode? you be the judge!

2008-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

I'm still sick. It's like, what... Wednesday? I woke up sick on our podcast day, Sunday, and had to bail out. So what did Katie and Peter do? They came together to do a "how to make a podcast" videocast. Now, I don't know this for sure, but I think they were drinking. Heavily. I also don't know this for sure, but I think those cats do have dander.

Bad news: No regular podcast this week. Incredible news: If you are a subscriber (still early enough to be considered an early adopter) you'll get a high res video sent right to your computer/ipod. Oh, technology. Give me a kiss. Now give me some thigh.

So if you notice, OmnipotentChripCast has it's own youtube username. You know that just equals trouble. Please continue to check back for more updates.

NEXT WEEK: HALLOWEEN CAST THEN ELECTION CAST! Then back to business as usual. Bullshitting about nothing.

omnipotent chirp cast episode 008: SHAMECAST

2008-10-14T10:52:00.000-07:00

quick blog update, more to come later!

shamecast is cathartic. it's cleansing. please post your shames or e-mail them to omnipotentchirp@gmail.com

episode 8: Shamecast

omnipotent chirp cast episode 007: KARAOKEKAST

2008-10-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

first off, to our subscribers we're sorry for the lack of a minichirp last friday but i think this will more than make up for it. let's just go straight to the link, shall we??

episode 7: Slide On Your Lipstick and Let All Your Hair Down

ok, so this is our first ever ENHANCED podcast. which means, you download it, and pictures appear as a beautiful slide show. i think links pop up and stuff too. looks great on my MICROSOFT ZUNE. although we're STILL not listed in the ZUNE MARKETPLACE. what the fuck??

well, this episode is all about my favorite karaoke night started by a my friends will and caleb. it's all about the love of karaoke and it's all about getting shitty finding love in all the wrong places.

for those who refuse to check out the enhanced podcast here's a few little gems taken by OmniChirp's own Peter Galassi.

hope you loved it. every second of it. as much as we loved making it.

omnipotent chirp cast episode 006: SPORTSCAST

2008-09-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

what other podcast are you listening to that is bringing you such quality week after week after week?? 6 episodes in 6 weeks, 4 minichirps. you've got to be kidding me. it's like when john henson was hosting talk soup daily and then they had the special weekend talk soup to follow it all up! what have you done to deserve such greatness?!

you're rolling with the podcast big boys now. hook your ipod up in your decked out 1994 M3 pretend you're blue collar and listen to episode 6! sportscast!

episode 6: they're soy-fed

it's the way sports should be approached. no facts. no scores. just stupid opinions based on rumor and what we hope is true.

this was recorded a few weeks prior, but i'd just like to set the record straight: fuck the mets.

BIG NEWS: OMNIPOTENTCHIRP will be recording at LOBO KARAOKE this coming Sunday, the 5th, please bring as many as you'd like to join in on our festivities. Who knows? You might even end up on the podcast! 9pm! 188 5th Ave, Park Slope Brooklyn!

omnipotent chirp cast episode 005. here, now.

2008-09-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe we're at week 5 already. Plus all these minicasts... it's like we're the real deal or something. By the way, if you haven't subscribed yet, or are a new listener, you're really missing out if you haven't done so. The minicasts are getting much love and they're a great pick me up on that shitty Friday commute to work.

We're very interested in more feedback so please feel free to do so here, on our iTunes page, or at omnipotentchirp@gmail.com

Episode 5 is a fun one. It's just me, Peter, Katie, and Caitlin remembering sad moments from our pasts. You're going to love it. I might be overselling it, but I think I can say with no hesitations that this is going to be your favorite podcast of all time.

episode 5: Has Anyone Been Caught Making Out in the Lunar Lander?

And for our true fans here are some pics from episodes 3 and 4!

Producer Katie at the helms of the Omnipotent Chirp Studios. (Currently running a sweet mixer bought from a famous DJ, modded PC case with water coolant system, Windows Vista, Protools, beer, Mets, Cubs, etc)

Special Guests Claire and Aaron. Fan favorites.

Co-Host extraordinaire, Caitlin Nagle. Probably rippin' the snark on the tops.

"Where's Peter and Tim? Keep checking back!"

OMNICHIRP ep 004 available NOW !!! special guests CLAIRE AND ARRON

2008-09-17T10:52:00.000-07:00

sorry this update took so long. ever since viacom's death grip was released from my throat I've been searching for what to do with my life. Yesterday I woke up super early got a little shitty and went to the XM studios to see Opie and Anthony. I was hoping something crazy would happen that I could talk about on the podcast. Turns out, that really didn't go down. But it's a great intro to our 4th episode:

episode 4: The Beautiful Awkwardness That Follows

just so we're clear here let's talk about how the OMNICHIRP schedule is looking now of these days.

new episodes go up late night Monday morning so our subscribers can sync up on Tuesday morning for their awful commute into their dead end jobs. (We're here for you!)Tuesday morning we'll put it up on the blog with the show notes and all that fun. Then if we have a MINICHIRP it will go up late Thursday for your early morning FRIDAY SYNC. Friday we will mention it on the blog but NOT post it here. You know, you got to be a subscriber on iTunes to get the super secret good stuff.

Now that we have that taken care of. Let's talk about the most recent show:

Uh, yeah. It's a played topic and we go off on it.

Bro time. You know, when dudes get together to hang out.

Ira Glass joins us in the Chirp Studios as we discuss his and other NPR programs.

first MINICHIRP available on itunes!

2008-09-12T08:46:00.001-07:00

today we release our first ever minichirp! the only catch is you have to be a subscriber on itunes to get it! so please click on the itunes logo to the right and subscribe. WE'LL MAKE IT WORTH YR WHILE.

OMNICHIRP ep 003 available NOW !!! special guests CLAIRE and ARRON

2008-09-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

here we go week three. we threw in some new blood and look what happens, we get an episode about fad diets, shitting, phil collins, oh yeah... it's a CLIFHANGER. well, not really but we got episode 4 out of the same session.

WHICH is coming out sooner than later.

episode 3: SkiiinnnyyyyBaaaaaaaattcchh

so what do we talk about this week?

Skinny Bitch "Book"
Phil Collins
America's New Shit Obsession
Famous People

and again, special thanks to Claire and Arron.

remember to subscribe to the cast for tons and tons of awesome sweet super insider benefits.

OMNICHIRP ep 002 available now!

2008-09-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

well, it's here. week 2 and we bring in the big guns. like desert eagle style big guns. sure, it's a hand gun, but if you don't watch out the recoil will break your nose. and that totally fucks up your face.

episode 2: "the pepsi challenge"

big thanks to that place near peter's that made me the "gringas" which made me puke right before we recorded this.

show notes:

also, thanks to lex wahl for being so cool.

episode 2 recorded last night! soon to come!!

2008-09-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

just wanted to give a quick update: recorded. they say the second episode is the most important. uhh, so yeah. it BETTER be good.

the reason for this pre-update: big thanks to kaite motush for working so hard on the editing of this episode. 2 hours of bullshit cut down to a very consumable and enjoyable episode. not to mention technical issues.

thanks dude!

podcast coming soon! promise!

follow omnichrip podcast on itunes!!

2008-08-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

oh, you know. now you don't even have to think about it anymore. just subscribe and anytime we release stupid mp3s of us talking to ourselves, it will go on your overpriced iphone without having to do a thing.

just copy and paste this lin.... oooh, sorry.

just click on the cute little itunes icon and you're alllllllllllll set.

OMNICHIRP podcast FINALLY available!!

2008-08-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

we'll be getting a RSS feed and itunes bullshit set up very soon, but for now just check out this link for the first ever episode of the omnichirp podcast:

episode 1: "sham or a hell beast"

featuring:

tim m: host
caitlin n: cohost
katie m: producer/editor
peter g: show runner

in this episode we get really deep on issues that have never been touched on before on the internet. like other podcasts, and the dark knight, and napolean dynamite.

let me know what you guys think. next week: a whole new episode. we're really trying to make this happen.

links to stuff we talked about in the episode:

anything ghost - lex wahl's podcast
jay and jack - lost podcast with jay and jack
haunted new jersey - haunted nj podcast
frappr - frappr map
y so srs - dark knight

if there's anything i forgot let me know

...i blew it

2008-06-20T14:28:00.001-07:00

Due to some technical problems and some personal oversight, the podcast has been postponed (obviously). It will be up early next week, I can promise you that. In the meantime please visit and join the MONEY$NAKE message board! NPSK.info is the new offical host for the OMNICHRP podcast.

If you need me I'll be on Fire Island trying to get some info about the NHL draft on my phone.

thnx.

A NEW ERA BEGINS TONIGHT!!!

2008-06-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

tonight the OMNIPOTENT CHIRP podcast goes live!!!! refresh this page over and over and over until it's up! thanks to fnplsk for hosting the mp3!!

so

2008-05-22T13:47:00.001-07:00

it turned out that i did get into magic and managed to find people who were also interested. it's really fulfilling something that i was missing and i really enjoy doing it. i don't know what it is. yeah, it's nerdy. i get it. but so are a lot of things. most of which, i'm interested in.

which brings me to an important thought that i've been thinking about recently. acting is just larping. but like, the most embarrassing kind of larping ever. larpers don't try and get my attention. they're not trying to prove that they're really good at acting like a warrior or wizard or elf or what have you. they do it in their community and if you don't want to know about it, no skin off their fucking back. they don't give a shit. however, if you're an ACT-OR you have to prove your craft every single day. look how good i am at pretending to be someone else. i love to sing and dance.

plus, if you're going to larp, wouldn't you just always want to be something awesome? like, why does P.S.H. want to larp about huffing glue after his wife committed suicide. that's fucking weird. and then why am i supposed to applaud him for it?

plus, there's no hit points in acting. so i can't be like "yo, you suck as eliza doolittle. you get polio, -25 hp". which is the best way to always keep larpers in check.

****************

i've been living with caitlin for quite some time now. our bedroom has become this bizarre tranquil safe haven for me. i just feel so comfortable there. after working on a show for like 16 hours a day i know that i can come home sit on the couch look at my "I WANT TO BELIEVE" poster, play halo, watch dvds, build a magic deck, see our weird cat, blaze down and forget everything that has happened during the day.

the last place that i lived with ryan was pretty awful. i just never felt comfortable there. this, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with ryan. just the physical place itself. that place was dripping with negative energy.

the huge rats shitting on my bed wasn't any picnic either.

thanks to you caitlin, i'm finally able to laugh at love.
again.

2008-04-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

originally posted on a secret message board:

i missed out on the magic thing since like what? 1994?? but there's something about this that is calling to me at this point in my life. i think it's just perfect.

so i'm going to head over to this place this week and pick up some cards: http://www.neutralground.com

i don't know if anyone played this game in another life and wants to take their deck and play me??? i'm totally into it.

here's a longer shot, is anyone interested in getting some cards and learning with me??

i found these AMAZING videos on youtube which were not only AWESOME but really informative and makes the rules a lot less daunting.

the cast is spectacular. cool purple shirt guy with cool facial scruff and some sweet plugs and a sexy dark personality. green shirt chubby funny redhead. wacky funny. and semiasian smart comfortably sexy chick. and of course monster big hair deep voice machine dude.

they got it all covered!!

please?

Television is a wild crazy world of hate and sadness and pain and the loss of dreams.

2007-11-19T00:06:00.000-08:00

My grandfather loves films and gets a big kick out of the fact that I work in "the industry". Unfortunately, my end of the industry spectrum usually falls in reality television. The dregs of American Culture. Nah, fuck that, I'm not going to blame everything on America. Human Culture. My grandfather sent me a birthday card recently with this this memorable qoute:

"To my favorite Grandson who's employed in 'The Vast Wasteland'". Referencing the Newton Minow quote from the 60's. Sharp as a fucking tack that man is.

Sometimes I'm taken aback on the accuracy of his summation of television as a whole. Sometimes I can't believe the power that television has as a medium and what it turns out.

I had a come to jesus this weekend. The Real World was my Jerusalem and Isaac was my messiah.

Some background info. The Real World is on it's 38th season. This year it is in Sydney Australia. Everyone fucks everyone. Everyone is white hot, in that "abs and tits don't look at their face" way.

Apparently Isaac has taken a lot of Acid back in his "wild days" and has the occasional flashback where he sees birds flying in the room he's in. Normally he sees tropical birds. You know, fun. Pretty birds that make you think about islands, fruity alcoholic drinks and unobtainable bartenders.

However, being burnt out isn't all fun. Sometimes it comes with a consequence, and this consequence is that he's now a medium to the spiritual world. When a vision of a black bird comes to visit our pal, he's not thinking of Bonnaroo and Phish shows. This is because, the black bird, is the bird of bad news. Someone close to him has passed. Turns out, he saw one, and the bird didn't lie. His grandfather passed away. (The black bird is 4 for 4 for anyone keeping track.)

Mtv not only picked up on this storyline, not only discussed in detail that it was from a result of an abuse of mind altering drugs, but also managed to CGI the imaginary black bird into a scene equaling the most surreal experience I've ever witnessed on ANY program daring to claim that it is based in any concept of reality.

You can watch the entire episode here aptly titled "Seeing Birds".

Mtv has something here. This needs to be optioned for a one hour cop drama to go up against Medium and Ghost Whisperer and that one that starts with a "P". He sees a different kind of bird for every kind of crime there is. He gets with a plethora of hot slutty bar girls. And of course, has a special parrot that hangs out in his subconscious at all times called "Trails" who's constantly trying to get Isaac to trip with him.

"Aaack! Come onnnnn maaaaan! I'm fucking FLYING over here breah!! Listen, just down a couple of caps and we can listen to the new bootlegs I got! Shit, at least do a tab with me and come to the Oysterhead show! AAAACCCK!!!"

FEAR YOUR DESTINY

2007-11-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

i wish i had half the drive as katie. i saw the shrimp chips with my own eyes. it's alive.

i really want to have a beer with bill guerin. hey bro, thanks for being the best captain you can be.

For days after seeing this video I couldn't get it out of my head. Mostly due to the fucking amazing dual drummers. It's so restraint yet it's so fucking tough. Then, after watching a bunch I was reminded of Garry Glitter's more recent past which I completely forgot about. I also love the candor of the youtube users. They really let you know how they feel on the subject.

oh yeah, and it's like the best jam of all time.

Which do you think has worst users?

YouTube
XBOX Live
Amazon User Comments

I nominate xbox live just due to the fact that more on one occasion some little kid called me the "N WORD".

i always try to give it all i got

2007-10-10T01:25:00.001-07:00

HE'S BACK

2007-09-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Ryan Trott (Hologram and Family Trees) is the artist of the new OMNIPOTENT CHIRP logo.

I, like Michael Myers, am back.

And I, like Michael Myers, leave people wondering "who gives a fuck?". Rob Zombie bored me to tears in the theater this early fall. I think he just fell asleep at the wheel on this one. It didn't even have any stupid visual fuckery as seen in his shithouse classics TONS OF DEAD DUDES and DEVIL DUDES.

I was born in late October, so the fall is a very important time for me. When I was 12 or something I got cornered by some of Deer Park's finest 16 year olds and was beat with socks filled with flour and shit. I don't remember the names of all the kids but I do remember that Jason Duninzo was the main culprit. He lived in a house a few doors down from me and was a compulsive liar. Typical stuff really, he had this great amazing car that he had been working on but it was in his cousin's garage but his cousin was never around so he couldn't take it out of the garage but he could get in to work on it but I couldn't come because his cousin doesn't want people in his garage. His family also seemed to throw out a couch every week. I never figured out how that worked. His sister, Jennifer, would smoke weed at the bus stop and I never knew what it was. She was more creative than her brother. She once told me that she had a secret night club in her back yard (which boarded a huge neighborhood sump). I hated Halloween for a few years after that, but I got over it. I've recently found that Halloween + Alcohol is probably the best that any American holiday can get.

The plan this year is to get really into the spirit. Going to Haunted Houses is a must, as is seeing plenty of shitty movies, maybe even fit a Chiller in there (WOAH! Val Kilmer, Elvira, AND Henry Winkler?! I'm SO fucking there!!).

Good costume, I'm thinking something gory this year. I've never done that. Except I was a vampire this one year and I had my mom paint on as much fake blood as she would allow dripping from my jaw. It was pretty good but it was one of those "all in one" costumes, so it was like a tuxedo t-shirt but with vampire shit on it. Good flame retardant cape though!

I lump in stuff like pumpkin picking and shit like that, why not? It's all part of the season. Maybe I'll even start working on my horror film idea OPEN LATE. It's about how New York is the scariest fucking place ever.

Speaking of that, they screened CRUISING recently AND it's getting a DVD release? Fucking crazy! Watch it if you get a chance. Not many films can truly depict a New York City more terrifying than Cruising. Except for like, Frankenhooker, After Hours, and even Basket Case had a few good scary New York Scenes. I guess Home Alone 2 would have to go on that list. Although that pigeon lady is totally not scary.

The Secret Is At The End Of This Post

2007-08-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

Wait a fucking second. WAIT A FUCKING SECOND.

What the fuck is this?! This fucking shit is on right now (CW11). It's a "reality show" about pranking students... but the students are actors? Not like, "these are our acting students, they are awkward and only wear stained black t-shirts of the logo of the play they did in the 8th grade". Like "I'm a douche bag from Southern California and my mom let's me skip school so I can go to castings and I got this gig on a fake reality television show brought to you by Office Max". In this episode they're pranking the band kids? AND THEN THEY GET REWARDED WITH A CONCERT FROM THE ALL AMERICAN REJECTS. This is the end of everything. This is 100% the worst fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. (I actually mean it this time) There's a fucking mallcore kid who does a screaming thing WEAAH EWAAH WAHEEHH WWAHH !!!!!

FUCKING TOTALLY CRUCIAL DUDE!!!

There's something going on here and it's fucking scaring me. Has anyone else seen that fucking Kohl's commercial where all the super cool kids have wacky hair cuts and thick black framed glasses and the girls have shotgun blasts and the dudes have the swoop and they all have all over print hoodies that zip up all weird? Yeah dude.

I can't to see a fucking sitcom on ABC and the son is sporting skin tight jeans and a Municipal Waste shirt. (I still like them, for the record)

I went to Salt Lake City for like, um, 2 days. Interesting thing about that city. Not very big, kind of run down. Had an awesome book/comic/record/venue joint where I bought American Hardcore and Charles Burn's Big Baby. Then I went to some bar that was under Kinkos, bought my membership card, and tried to get wasted. It didn't really work. The bar was filled with a roller derby team. That's basically everything I did.

I ate at Chilis and Friday's.

CLAZZ ACT. ONE BUDLIGHT PLZ.

(s w e d)

400 DEGREEZ

2007-07-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've recently got over a slight case of sunburn on my legs due to exposure to the mean unforgiving long island sun. It was rough going there for awhile but I made it out alive. If anyone is interested in the wallets that I'm now creating out of the dead skin that pealed off of my body, get in touch.

Last night, I was walking past a bodega near to my apartment that I pass on a daily basis. A clerk who I'm familiar with was walking towards the subway after an undoubtedly long shift. He caught the eye of an extremely overweight unattractive woman in her mid to late thirties walking with what I presumed to be her daughter. He shouts to her:

"Hey! How are you this evening?"
"Oh, I'm just fine" She replies.
"That's good, that's real good. Where you going?"
"Home." She's quick and to the point. Her tone insists that he stops asking questions.
"Oh yeah? That's good. Where's home? Where's your man?"
She doesn't skip a beat "Home is home and he's at home sleeping."
He laughs "Ok, that's good. Goodnight."

Did this man have any interest in this woman? Clearly he did from his line of questioning, but did he think anything would come of this interaction on the corner of Bushwick and Grand? His voice was suggestive and his questions aggressive. It was the "where's home?" line that got to me. Seemed creepy. Well, to be honest, the whole thing is creepy.

WORKIN ON THE NIGHT MOVES

2007-07-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

So, briefly, I just wanted to acknowledge this:

It makes me upset that I'm going to lose hours of my life to one of the nerdiest of all creations. But look at those fucking drum pads! HOLY SHIT I WANT IT. I feel like I'm 5 and I'm seeing that whole Cobra line that Hasbro unleashed with all the black light shit. I think they were night-ops or something. (I just really liked the purple on black theme they had going.)

THIS YEAR THERE WILL BE NO LEFT OVERS

2007-07-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

So I got a call from my good friend Keith and he recommended that I go on youtube and check out a new trailer. Before we begin let me tell you exactly what he told me, be patient and see it through. Because it might just be the best thing you've ever seen in your life. Stallone has gone back and done it again as he did with Rocky Balboa and now Rambo 4 has a title. John Rambo. That's fucking classy right there. This trailer is definitely uncut and has the best neck ripping out scene since Roadhouse. That's saying A LOT.

Speaking of trailers that are too good to be real, I never got a chance to see Grindhouse in the theaters. I don't know how I let it happen, but it got away from me. So I missed this incredible gem. Turns out that little prick Roth did something worth while after all. This time I didn't have to read about him patting himself on the back about it. Which, seriously, he earned it this time.

It reminds me of the I Spit On Your Grave trailer. The one where they just show you the film cut down to two minutes. The V.O. is perfect as well.

Somebody please tell Jason Lee that he's allowed to take some time off. Because he's making some huge mistakes and I think it's just from being overtired.

Then again, who am I kidding? Has this dude ever been in anything good? I'll still give him his performance in Mallrats, but that's it. And what's that saying? Not a whole fuckload, I'll tell you that. Oh well, thanks for the 360 flip dude.

I say that as if I skate.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE ANDREW WK

2007-07-09T01:06:00.000-07:00

But I did see the 77BOADRUMS event as a whole and it was great. 77 drummers playing 7 piece kits, on 7/7/07. Adorable. But in that "can't hold it against you" kind of way. This was THE outdoor event of the summer thus far and to be honest there were a lot of staples missing. Hacky sacks, drug rugs, dr seuss top hats, any thing that glowed. I personally blame Vice's attachment. Apparently it's not "cool" to want to take home a light up necklace and a "ghost dog" leash from a boredoms show. I'll show you smarter is.

Here's some highlights from my camera phone!!! (Sorry for the quality, vids were taken from my camera phone!!!)

Aw! Look at everyone playing in unison. It's harmony and magic. Except I heard Lightning Bolt dude started getting all flashy and shit. Calm down man, we know, we know, we know.

So how do you conduct such a motley crew? (no one from motley crew was present) Easy, try a giant neon pink pole that you hit pedal steels with. And at one point he was using a trident. And I'm pretty sure that was the "time to kick ass" pole.

I walked away feeling as I do after I leave most free city run events. Lucky, that I live in such a town where I can spend an afternoon watching something of worth. Sick, from sitting out in the sun where my Irish skin has now turn into a pulpy mess which now lays dead, pathetically covering my muscle tissue. And of course sick again from the 4 beers I pounded to get a buzz which quickly faded into a nice steady nausea for the remainder of the night.

After vomiting in a Latin restaurant in Ft. Greene, Caitlin and myself returned to her apartment where I viewed the film THE BOURNE IDENTITY for the first time. And you know what? That's one hell of a little action flick.

Damon's an amazing "Wha-- what the?! But I'm Joe Shmoe! How can I diffuse this bomb, whilst breaking this guy's neck, whilst I take note of every license plate from every car that drives by!!". Jackie Chan ran that game a few years back, but then The Tuxedo killed all that. WAY TO GO JENNIFER.

Heyyyy, ok, I want to talk about movies again! Let's do that next time!!

ADDICTED TO FEAR

2007-07-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Christian Network one day at 4am in my apartment for no other reason that I was half drunk, bored, couldn't fall asleep, and nothing else would come in on the rabbit ears. If I'm going to watch anything on that channel it would be that dude who lies a lot and his mummy-familiar that he keeps around to maintain his MP. However, this just caught my eye:

I don't know if it was the song itself, the hook, the confidence of belting out "you got me'n'jeezuzz", or the fact that this band has the fucking audacity to produce a video in which just listening to mere seconds of their hit single could save you from eternal damnation. yeah man!! that bar of hate and lust just shattered from my eyes the second i heard your second rate NFG ripoff!! praise be to hosanna in the highest!!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII CAN'T TAAAAAAAAAAAAKE THIS

2007-07-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

Blogz
Uploaded by timmeehan

TONIGHT'S MAIN EVENT IN HEAVEN

2007-06-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the whole world seems to be interested in the gruesome details of the demise of one of the best wrestlers that the WWE ever showcased. To call this a tragedy is an understatement. Benoit was one of the last of his kind, a true professional wrestler without ego or a closet filled with "demons" which he had to constantly battle. ("Demons" is a WWE term used to mean anything from spousal abuse to drug addiction)

What makes me upset about the whole thing is that Vince coming out of the whole "Mr. McMahon is dead" angle to pay tribute to this man one night and the following night is claiming that Benoit was a monster. I'm not saying that Benoit should be praised for such a terrible act, however it's just typical of the WWE to turn their back on a situation the second that steroids come into the picture.

I didn't think that this would ever turn into a wrestling death blog, but it seems to be going that way. I'm a little shook up over all this and it truly saddens me the way 95% of these wrestlers meet their own demise. It's a hard gritty lifestyle that many don't survive. And all for what? This traveling circus act that barely pays (if you're lucky) to entertain monsters such as myself who consume and spit out?

Although, at the same time, how many lives were saved because of their involvement in wrestling? New Jack, I'm looking at you. You too Stone Cold.

YOUS AN IMMIGRANT TOO

2007-06-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Someone is doing it. The someone is Jack White. And the "it" he's doing is something that no one else can seem to do in mainstream pop culture. Be as ridiculous and creative as he wants to be, not watering down his product (we'll turn the other way in some cases) and still manages to have a rabid audience.

In other words, I really fucking love this guy. Enjoy one the best performances on a talk show, ever.

Is it just me, or does Meg look like someone I know?

By the way, I also love dailymotion due to their under the radar streaming videoness that NBC doesn't censor the shit out of.

EVRYBDY RPPN' LKE ITS A CMMRCIAL

2007-06-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

ACTING LIKE LIFE IS A BIG COMMERCIAL

Jesus Christ. I don't know why, but somehow the fact that I waited till 2007 to see the Beastie Boys just makes so much fucking sense. Here's the reason why I love the fact that it's going to be in Williamsburg: to completely spazz/mark out in front of all the dudes who are trying to look like they paid 50 dollars to not give a shit. Well, I do. I give so much shit.

SO NOW I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO Y'ALL
BE TRUE TO YA'SELF AND YOU WILL NEVA FALL

So I'm currently working on a reality program for one of the major networks. Due to some bullshit papers I signed I can't divulge which program it is. But, I'll tell you this, it rhymes with KNIFE COP.

Woah, wait. KNIFE KOP.

I'm going to write that screenplay ASAP. Because the world needs a movie about a cop that brings down an entire gang ridden city with only one knife.

Anyway, I just worked 30 hour day and I'm ready to die. All I can say is, if you have the opportunity to never go to rural Ohio, take that opportunity. To never go. Because it's the worst.

Also, a moment of silence for Sensational Sherri. A true innovator in female wrestling. Nay, the shape of American professional wrestling. Dead by the age of 49.

Who wants to take bets on this guy's expiration date?

ONLY ONE IS GOOD TV

2007-06-12T22:11:00.000-07:00

Guess which!!

While The Soprano's were insulting their audience (for the 1,000,000 time) Vince McMahon did as he always does. Give the audience what they want. And what did they want? The best death scene of all time.

McMahon's character has become SO evil and SO hated over the attitude days till now there was literally nowhere else for him to go. I mean, fuck, he was the fucking champ of the ECW.

So what has he done here? He's injected some life into a product that has become stale. We now get to go through a "Who shot J.R./Mr. Burns" type adventure. Which, most likely will be terribly lame. But there's a silver lining:

MR. MCMAHON PRESUMED DEAD

They never "found" the body. SO what I hope and pray for is simple. He comes back from the dead (see: Undertaker, Kane) and comes back as Super McMahon (see: Super Shreder).

QUITE STYLISH

2007-06-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

So it turns out that the gentleman on the left is out of the closet. Shocking.

I mean, it was obvious even in his role as Niles Crane. I mean, come on, we never even saw the bitter cold bitch that was "Marris" and Daphne was never attractive. Even with that accent. And wasn't she supposedly a clairvoyant in early episodes?

Daphne : Clairvoyant :: Smithers : Black

Sex and Frasier seem to go hand in hand. The show was just basically a vehicle to get Kelsey Grammer's shirt off as much as possible. And him to have sexual relations with an obscene amount of mildly attractive 40somethings.

Kelsey hates shirts. I can't think of any other sitcom in the history of television that would go out of it's own way to present the main charicter opertunities to expose his chest. You know, besides Baywatch.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Turns out I have a lot to say on the Frasier subject. A subject that many of my friends are sick and tired of hearing about. There's just something about this show that gets me. I have some goals when it comes to this series such as making a youtube vid of all of Frasier's best shirtless scenes, writing a fictional short story about how Kelsey and the creators came up with the shows original concept, and finish my fan fiction.

Oh, what's that? You'd like a sample? It would be my pleasure. (It's obviously written in Frasier's first person)

I sat in my beautiful tanned leather couch slowly sipping on glass of vintage Palo Cortado sherry. I let it's intoxicating bouqett take me away to my most recent trip to Madrid. Ah, Isabella and I had the most amazing time there. Walking on the gorgeous banks of the Manzanares river we discussed everything from religion, politics, to our feelings on Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen. And of course we made deep passionate love under the night sky. Fraiser, you old dog, you really let her have it that time. Her orgasm was so intense she was completely exhausted and slept until after noon. I remember her hands slowly petting my glorious chest hair as I looked to the heavens above and wondered what all the other women I've had sex with were doing at that very moment.

MMMRPHHUUUREADINN?

2007-05-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

Doing almost anything in New York is dangerous. For example, making a lunch trip to Taco Bell - what should be a delicious and refreshingly familiar experience turns into a huge mind fuck. I'm enjoying an e-coli free gordita when a homeless man makes his hourly rounds pleading for "juzzaquaterr".

B: Can I git juzzaquaterr?
T: Sorry man.

Let me stop right here. Way does "man" always seem to come out in these situations? Do I feel as if I'm really letting him know I understand his struggle with my verbal pat on the back? It's already awkward.

B: Heh. Wuzzthat? Youkeemkiddencheeeraaeden?
T: What?!
B: YOU READIN' COMIC?
T: Yes.
B: How old are you?
T: 24.

Ok, I'm pissed.

B: Heh, don't want never grow up, huh?
T: Yeah fuck it right? What's the point??

Now am I going to defend myself to a man who's dressed in everything that he owns? Yeah, I fucked up. I should have been drinking my Mountain Dew with my pinky up whilst reading the Wall Street Journal.

Minutes later I'm on the 6 train and I have a conversation with an amazing young man (decked out in a XXL ROH t-shirt, black UFOs, and top it all off with a black Jansport complete with a Straight Edge patch pinned on) about how Preacher is the best comic ever, the miniseries, and introduced me to The Boys.

So, you know, good with the bad.

THE NEW CW LINE UP

2007-05-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

Interpol - The Heinrich Maneuver

So you know those teen dramas on CW or ABC Family where it's a normal teen drama but like two hot dudes are secretly underwater vampires or something like that? I feel as if I was watching one of these shows I could hear this jam in the background. I would stop for a second and think to myself "Hey! Wait a second, is this the new Interpol jam??" and then I would stop and laugh to myself. Of course it isn't. It's one of those fake songs that are supposed to sound exactly like Interpol. Like when Raven used to come out to that fake Pearl Jam song (in this case specifically Even Flow). Or when DX used to come out to the fake Rage Against the Machine.

So what I'm saying is that the Heinrich Maneuver should be the entrance music to some sort of asexual hip wrestler. That would be perfect.

Also, the song isn't half bad.

JUSSA BABY WITHA DIAPER RASH

2007-05-29T10:51:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know: America's Got Talent is the mother of all American Idol talent showcase format primetime programming. It's coming back this summer and to be honest, I doubt it could ever live up to last year. It's really really, well, dumb shit.

Last year America discovered yet another Rappin' Granny, who happens to go by the same name as all the other rapping grannies we've discovered.

Impressive. Someone call Def Jux because she has that ability to completely ignore the beat. And her flow is reminiscent of that rape/tax evasion dude.

THE TWO JAR GRIND

2007-05-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

I am the proud owner of a Tooth Tunes Toothbrush. Apparently Caitlin's uncle is the engineer for the sound cards in this magical futuristic device. For those who don't know, or can't figure it out -- come on.

in a related issue:

I was lucky enough to snag Destiny Child's Survivor. Which is one of the best pop songs written in the last 10 years. Not only that, but what a fucking anthem to wake up to. The song plays for 2 minutes securing that you've got in a dentist approved brushing routine as well as playing enough of the song so that the orchestral swells can still give you goosebumps.

However, recently, I've noticed that the song is almost defeating before you turn in. Another day gone, and what have you accomplished? Not much. Keep on pressing through. One step at a time. Not to mention the omission of William's solo verse becomes quite apparent over frequent use. Which gets you thinking how that's pretty much indicative of William's role in the group ever since her involvement.